The past couple of months has really shown me that life can flip 180 overnight. One minute you can be on cloud 9 charging around, full of passion and enthusiasm then the next you find yourself hiding away from the world questioning the meaning and purpose of everything. No matter how strong you think you may be, when someone close to you dies,you are reminded of how fragile the mind is and the importance of taking equal care of both your mental and physical health.
Whilst attitudes in the past 10 years towards the importance of mental health have improved, the terms ‘counselling’ and ‘therapy’ sadly still seem to have very negative connotations attached to them. There still seems to be a huge stigma around it with many feeling embarrassed or ashamed to admit that they see a counsellor. In reality though I think it should be the opposite – having the ability to open up, to discuss your weaknesses and recognise that you need support shows a huge amount of self awareness which in my eyes can only be seen as a positive.
Having suffered from depression in the past I can recognise it rearing its ugly head and so last week when I was feeling a little lost after George’s death I decided to take myself off to see a counsellor rather than wallowing in self pity under my duvet. “You, see a counsellor?! You don’t need a counsellor!” is a reaction that I sometime get and I can see why – as a generally optimistic and positive person I’m probably not the first person you’d expect to see a counsellor but I do and I’m not afraid to say so. I’ve met a huge range of fascinating people over the last year, many of which from the outside seem to have it all together. In fact once you begin to listen to them you learn that the opposite is true – they’re often the ones with the most going on inside their heads. Social media has a lot to answer for.
I'm a huge advocate of counselling, especially when you some direction. Here's what I've learnt from it:
It gives focus and direction:
I remember staring outside my window at work when I was still working in London with a niggling feeling that despite having everything on the outside something wasn’t right. I thought to myself ‘I don’t know what I want but I know it’s not the life I’m leading’. Counselling didn’t tell me exactly what I should do but it helped me to focus on working out what I did want and how to achieve it.
It makes you ask better questions:
Going to see a counsellor doesn’t give you all the answers that you often hope for but it does make you question what you're doing and why. Asking the question ‘why’ and the ‘5 Whys’ is incredibly important.
It helps you rationalise and clarify things:
The first time I saw a counsellor was after my parents divorced 10 years ago. Whilst friends couldn’t have been more supportive, as with most things, nobody really understands what you’re going through unless you’ve been there yourself. I really struggled with the divorce but counselling enabled me to offload and rationalise my response to it. I’m a great believer that time will always be the best healer but counselling definitely helped ease the way and lifted a weight from my shoulders.
It helps you develop a more positive mindset:
I know that the ‘mindfulness’ craze and ‘meditation’ are supposedly the way to a positive mindset and clarity of mind but I am totally useless at both. I’ve really tried but rather than focusing on my god damn chakra my mind wanders off to think what I‘ll be eating for breakfast. Counselling has given me practical techniques however to adopt a more positive mindset which has been far more helpful.
I was slightly reluctant to write this article but I’ve written it because I hope it encourages more people to open up about their mental health and to also encourage perceptions around counselling to change – for the word ‘counselling’ not to accompanied with a patronising head tilt but to actually be seen as a proactive method through which you can improve both your mental health and performance. Ultimately it’s just psychology. Mental health is important, we should all be doing more to look after it.
Have you suffered from mental health, do you see a counsellor or would you like more info on where to go? Get in touch at info@above-water.co.uk and let us know
