I grew up in a sleepy village in Lincolnshire. Green fields and not much else, it was an idyllic childhood. We let our imaginations rule playtime. Running through farmer's fields, playing dress up with a box of Mum's old clothes and pooh sticks by the babbling brook - it was a happy time.
Primary school was a breeze. Two minutes walk from home and a pet dog named Skye who quickly worked out how to escape from our garden at break times, walk through the snicket to school where she was fed crisps through the fence by the school kids.
High School didn't change much for me. Despite taking and passing the eleven plus and being informed by the teachers that this was 'our' chance to make a mark on the world, I personally never felt any pressure to do anything other than enjoy school.
I was a competitive on the sports field and did my best to ensure inclusion in all the school sports teams even managing a stint running for county. As far as I was concerned I had it all.
GCSE's and A' Levels definitely turned things up a notch but I still didn't have a plan. I thought I might want to be a lawyer, then a journalist but I definitely didn't have a burning desire to move to a big city, become the Director of a company and rule the world. I did fancy my luck at being a newsreader or children's TV personality. And that desire is the one that led me to where I am today.
I crossed all the T's and dotted all the I's and though my exam results were disappointing and I have to be honest, this felt like my first taste of failure, I still managed to go to University through clearing. The first ever person in my family to attend University.
But it wasn't to last. I was homesick and started to avoid lectures. At the end of the first year I had decided not to return. Ironically law had been my favourite subject - not studying law full time is something I always look on as a regret!
I spent the summer writing to every production company in London in a bid to secure work experience - the start of my journey, chasing dreams.
After receiving an offer to work on the Big Breakfast I took a job at a local Curry's store as well as a local nightclub and began saving as much as I could for my month down in London.
When Mum dropped me off at a flat in Woolwich, she didn't know that the initial month would turn in to two, then three, then one year, then five ... now nearly twenty years and nor did she know the twists and turns my journey would take me, to where I am today.
To the outside world I am deemed successful. I own a flat in Fulham, albeit through a shared ownership scheme. I am a PR professional at a mid senior level though I still don't earn enough (comparatively). I have a large group of friends with whom I enjoy a full and varied social life and I'm fit and healthy ... what else could I possibly want?
I want it all ...
... and because I don't have what I consider to be 'it all' I continue to strive for a goal - though I still haven't defined what that is. I struggle to be content with what I have achieved because, to me, this doesn't feel like success and when I look at those who surround me I only feel ever more defeated.
Within my own social group, there is a wealth of success - the high flyer, the one with the 'perfect' husband, those that have already given birth to their 2.4 children or those who splash the cash at every given opportunity without a worry in the world. This all makes me feel massively inadequate.
I started my career towards the end of my third decade and in spite of working hard I've still managed to make decisions that have led me to take the wrong turn and this pains me. I'm forever cursing myself at decisions made because 'this isn't where I should be'. And I spend too much time informing anyone who will listen why I am where I am today, as if apologising.
It was only in the last year that I met someone who I can only describe as the man of my dreams. I should feel lucky - not everyone finds their 'one' - but at 37 this feels incredibly late, even by London standards. Even though we recently made the bold decision to move in together marriage is still a long way off ... as are babies.
I scour Facebook with envy... how is it possible to turn on your own life in this way? The reality is that no one has it all despite what we might think and believing they have becomes self destructive.
I have lost count of the number of times that I have sat crying, on my own, in my beautiful flat in Fulham whether it be the result of someone who posted notice of their engagement on Facebook, a best friend sharing the birth of their newborn baby or a colleague five years younger than me who has managed to climb the rungs of the career ladder more quickly than I did. All of this adds to the frustration I feel at not meeting the standards I have set for myself.
And then I feel guilt. My feelings are what they are. But perhaps I need a dose of reality? I live in a pimping flat in a prime area in the capital city of England. I pay my bills without real concern each month. I travel the world, I buy nice clothes and I can afford to put food on the table. What's wrong with me?!?
I definitely don't have it all figured out yet, I'm not sure if I ever will but as someone who thinks far too deeply (and often) I am trying to reflect on the 'haves' instead of the 'have nots' despite evidence to the contrary.
What bothers me most is I still don't really know what I am striving for, nor do I know when it will end. Is the next goal reached the one that will provide me with eternal happiness or will it drive me to draw up yet another goal that I must reach in order to feel genuine contentment.
I started the year in a familiar way - bursting with reflection, trying to self manage the feelings of doubt that creep in to all areas of my life. Barely two months have passed and I'm already looking back.
What I would like to do this year, is forgive myself. Despite no wrongdoing, I am my harshest critic and until I am willing to let go, I worry that I will never truly be happy. I am also planning on trying to look past the filters on Instagram and read between the lines on Facebook - as common sense tells me that this is only half the story.
With still so much of my adventure to complete, I am sure there are paths that will lead to success and roads to disappointment and for that reason I will continue to roll with the punches. But along the way I hope I remember to take some time out to shine a positive light on those areas of my life that deserve it.
Karen is a 38 year old PR professional living in London. She's most happy surrounded by friends and loved ones, dancing (like no one is watching) to cheesy pop music and drinking Champagne. She firmly believes that she can learn something new every day and despite the challenges life throws she sees her journey as definitely being more happy than sad and more up than down.
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