There seems to be an increasing number of articles on ‘why women should or should not travel alone’. I don’t think it makes a huge amount of difference if you’re a man or a woman to be honest – we all go through a lot of the same experiences and emotions. Alot of the lessons that I learnt from moving to Uganda on my own can also be applied to other areas of life – setting up a business on your own, living as a single person on your own, travelling on your own. A lot of people seem to be afraid of ‘going it alone’ which I can understand - I think it’s mainly fear but I'm a strong believer of not allowing fear to stand in the way and if anything, going it alone, in various aspects of life, has taught me a huge amount which I wouldn't have learnt otherwise.
When you decide to 'go it alone' as a woman, I've found that typical responses tend to go along the lines of ‘…but aren’t you scared?’ or ‘wow that’s brave’ or ‘but won’t you be lonely?’. It’s funny as I doubt that men receive similar comments. It shows just how differently men and women are still viewed in today's society and how far feminism still has to go. Some people would have hated moving to Uganda alone, I actually liked it. Coming from a corporate background where I was often micromanaged, I loved the independence, the autonomy and responsibility. Having said that when I set up Grass Roots Cafe and Deli in partnership with Bundle a few months later, I learnt the value of having someone else to share and celebrate the highs and lows with.
Part of the reason I started Above Water was to both illustrate and inspire women to be independent and not be afraid of going it alone. Instead to actually embrace doing things alone - from travel, to setting up a business to being single. I'm not saying that you can't be independent if you're in a relationship - far from it (*see Beyonce, Victoria Beckham, Bundle McLaren) but I believe that there needs to be a shift in perceptions of being alone and the benefits that can be gained from it.
From travelling alone, to living alone, to being a single woman for a large proportion of my twenties, here’s what I’ve learnt from going alone so far:
1) You learn more
Going it alone means you’re completely self-reliant. Sure you can ask people for help but ultimate responsibility rests with you. There is no one to meet you at the airport, no accommodation to move into, no one to hand you a glossy job manual. Obviously it's often a lot easier if there is someone else to do it with but the benefit of being alone means that you learn far more. You learn on the job and that in itself is a massive learning curve.
2) You begin to fear less and believe in yourself more
Going it alone rips your security blanket off, pushes you out of your comfort zone and puts you into positions where you just have to face your fears and get on with it. As someone that is notoriously bad with directions I was dreading driving through Kampala on my own first time round. I ended up quite enjoying it - if I can drive in Kampala on my own, I can drive in any city in the world on my own. Instead of my first reaction being self doubt and ‘I can’t’, I’ve realised that ‘I can’.
3) You have more freedom and independence
When you're on your own you choose to go where you want, when you want without having to compromise or please others. Selfish I suppose but I love it. Being alone gives you thinking time, headspace and time to listen to DID podcasts. It makes you appreciate the value of thinking time and mindfulness - something which we rarely seem to do with our continually 'busy' lifestyles.
4) You enjoy your own company
You learn to love your own company which is important - to do that you need to learn to be ok on your own which needs practice! You discover you can quite like yourself! I believe that until you spend alot of time on your own you don't really know who you are. You can really work out what YOU want to do. I’m selective with how I spend my time now. I enjoy keeping myself to myself in my own little world rather than continually being surrounded and socialising with people. I love my alone time now.
5) It’s tiring
When absolutely everything is down to you it’s exhausting. From the smallest everyday things like what you're having for breakfast to the larger decisions like which direction to take your business in. But then I look around and put it into perspective – how can you complain about what direction to take your business in when you've had the confidence and belief that you can build a business in the first place.
6) You miss the support
As much as I love the independence and responsibility of doing things alone, I often yearn for support sometimes: someone to bounce ideas off, someone to share the highs and lows with, someone to share the responsibility with, lift some of the weight with. And that is another important part of why I created Above Water - to build a community of like minded individuals who are looking for support. When it's all down to you, the buck stops with you. It’s a battle of emotions every single day and it's easier when you have someone to fight them with.
Given the choice would I advise going it alone? In terms of travelling – 100%. In terms of business – I’d prefer to work in partnership but on the condition that it was with the right person which is easier said than done. In the West the word ‘alone’ often has such negative connotations – pity, sadness and if the person is alone they are presumably there by default not by choice. I say embrace going it alone – you learn so much about the world and about yourself that just isn’t as easy to do otherwise.
Are you a woman who has embraced being alone or do you want to go it alone but don't know how? Send us your story at info@above-water.co.uk
